This is sort of an open letter to those of you that follow me on Twitch & Twitter. This is to let you all peer into my life to try and understand where I am coming from, why I am doing what I am doing and when I will be returning. It may be difficult for some of you to fully grasp the gravity of my situation as it does not affect everyone. For those of you that understand completely, I empathize and hope that you are getting the help you may need.
I’ve been MIA for quite a while. I am currently on a hiatus from just about everything, Twitter, Twitch, most facets of the Internet, et cetera. It was abrupt, but it was necessary. I’m not entirely sure what is going on in this head of mine, but it makes it very difficult to maintain any kind of commitment.
As much as I love streaming, I really, really, need to get my head together; to better understand why I feel the way I feel, how to effectively manage my stress and time and to get a grasp on my anxiety and depression. I will say this: My absence from Twitch/Twitter is not forever. As soon as I come back, I will be sure to make a big scene and let you all know.
Currently I am seeing a Psychologist weekly. My sessions have been going very well, but it seems that there are a lot of things that have happened in my life that are negatively affecting me. Things that I never would have thought would affect me at all. It is still very early in my treatment, but all signs are pointing towards Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Writing that is incredibly difficult. However, having a diagnosis that feels right is a relief. I have spent a countless number of years not knowing what was happening to me. I have been diagnosed with Major Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder; none of which felt right or made sense.
Knowing that I have PTSD means I can start to move forward with my life. I can start to receive proper treatment. Once I learn my triggers, hopefully I can effectively cope with them and possibly begin to heal. I am trying to be positive.
I don’t have an end date for when I will be done with treatment and I most certainly don’t have a date in which I will return to Twitch. For now I am just playing it by ear. I have thought that maybe I will randomly stream when I am feeling up to it. If I do pop up one day and stream for an hour or two, it does not mean that I am back for good. You will know when I am back for good.
I hope from this post you are all able to understand why I haven’t been streaming or actively using Twitter. Please know that I appreciate all of the support you fine people have given me and continue to give me; it does not go unnoticed. I love you all.
See you soon.